Need advice? Got a burning question? Submit your questions below and have them personally answered by Johnny Dynamite.

Submit your question...

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

Big Wheel Biker Gang Holiday Card

It's that time of year again! Time to sign up to receive the annual Big Wheel Biker Gang Holiday Card in your mailbox! It's free and will be delivered to your home via snail mail!

Keep it Pimpin'

Dear Johnny,
What am I wearing?

Dear Trevor,
Well, if you were a real pimp, you'd be wearing this...

Magic 8 ball says... "My sources say no." Well, if it's not what you're wearing, get shopping!

3 at a time...

Dear Johnny...

1) What girls like me at my school? How many? Wat r their names?

2) How do I get my crush to like me? Thanks for everything.

3) Who is crushin on My BFF Grape? What about her little sis? Does my crush have a cold?

Dear Starbucks and Blueberry,

1) 2. Jessica and Michelle. Magic 8 ball says... "YES."

2) Ask them to hang out. If they say no, forget 'em... You can do better. Magic 8 ball says... "You may rely on it."


Dear Johnny,
How do we become vampires without being bitten? If you cant think of any other way, where would we find a vampire in Arizona?
-Bunch of Friends

Dear Bunch of Friends,

You won't be wearing the same socks...

Dear Johnny,
What is my future in 15 years?

P.S. What color socks am i wearing?

Dear Waz-it-2-ya,
In 15 years, you'll be married with 1 kid. 8 Ball says: "As I see it, yes." You'll be a working mom. 8 Ball says: "Outlook not so good." You'll be a stay at home mom? 8 Ball says: "Yes." Guess the 8 ball had to eventually disagree with me! :-)
See ya in 15,

P.S. You were wearing green socks. 8 Ball says: "Without a doubt."

First Date

Dear Johnny,
Which would it be better to ask the boy I like (Nick): "would you like to hang out with me after school", "would you like to go to a movie later", or "would you like to go to the mall with me and other friends you can bring a friend to if you want." Thanks for everything you do for me.=)

Dear you-dont-know-me,

Nick G. - Take Two

Dear Johnny,
If I ask Nick G. to go somewere with me will he say yes to me? Will he ever be mine? Why does he always look at me in class and try to make me laugh? If it doesn't work out with him who else should I try out of the following boys: Brandon J., Luca b., Brandon N., or Anthony C.? Thanks for everything! <3

Dear Waz-it-2-ya,
Well, according to the Magic 8 Ball, "Signs point to yes" for Nick G. Lucky boy. If he's going out of his way to make you laugh, that's a good sign. It means he at least has some interest in you, so odds are he'll say yes.

It's a curse...

Dear Johnny,
Why are you so cool Johnny? And how can I be more like you?

Dear Sara,
Well, first let's check with the Magic 8 Ball to make sure I really am that cool. The 8 ball says, "Outlook Good." Guess I lucked out on that one.
It's taken years to perfect this amount of coolness.
I'd suggest buying a big wheel, a rabbit, and eating a lot of pizza! And lastly, for safe measure, turn off that pesky filter between thinking and doing.
Best of luck!

P.S. We can not be held liable for any attempt to be more like Johnny Dynamite that ends with you in jail.

Nick G.

Dear Johnny,
How can I ask a boy to be my boyfriend without making it seem like I am a total wierdo? The boy i want to ask is Nick G.

Dear Waz-it-2-ya,
Well, I'd try to ask him to do something with you, like the movies or something similar, instead of directly asking him to be your boyfriend. Boys fear commitment, so you have to ease them in. :-) Just be yourself, be confident, and know what you're going to ask. And if it doesn't work out with Nick G., don't let it bother you. There's plenty of other boys!

No Satisfaction

Dear Johnny,
When will Deputy Brown Sugar come over and rock my world??
-Megan Fox

Dear Megan,
I know you are recently single, but unfortunately Deputy Brown Sugar neither has the stamina nor skill to ever properly satisfy you. (Is it true? Magic 8 Ball says: As I see it yes) I'm sure there are other Big Wheel Biker Gang members that are up for the task.
Best of luck,

P.S. That'll teach you to impersonate celebrities, Brown Sugar!


Dear Johnny,
What boys like me at school? Who will be Kiaia's boyfriend and when will she get a boyfriend? As I am typing this what shoes am I wearing?

Dear Lot-o-qestionz,
Since trying to be psychic is hard work, I now have a Magic 8 Ball to check my answers.